A crowded marriage usually means an affair by either spouse which need not be the case in many instances. A marriage does become crowded when there is an external factor intruding upon the privacy of the couple. This factor could be interfering in-laws on either sides or it could be an obsessive preoccupation with work (over ambitious or workaholic) or it could be plain indifference. Very often it is apathy on both partner’s part and their failure to invest time in the relationship that accounts for an unseen presence responsible for the failure of a marriage.
Vijayan and Madhavi is a recently married couple living with his parents. Madhavi resents Vijayan coming home late everyday and complains that he prefers to spend more time with his parents than with her.
She grumbles, “His excuse is before marriage he had not spent enough time with his parents due to work. If that was the case why did he ever want to get married? He should have devoted his time to his parents rather than marrying and neglecting me.” She has a point.
Vijayan’s apprehension is that his parents would feel neglected if he spent time alone with her. While his fears are appreciated Vijayan should realize that his newly married wife needs the privacy and attention during the initial stage. This does not mean having a separate bedroom. She needs to feel secure and loved and that means spending more time without distractions.
Marriage is a lifetime commitment between two unrelated people brought together saves by marriage. So, the relationship is definitely more special and has to be accorded that important place. This does not mean that you have to relegate other relationships to the background. It is about the sanctity of marriage and by extension the wife who automatically takes the first place by virtue of piety of the relationship.
Rajeev and Latha are both successful in their respective careers. They are confident couple. But both are unhappy. Reason being, their busy careers are taking them away from each other. When Rajeev is in town, Latha is away on a project and vice versa. Both have no time to spend with the other and their respective work takes precedence over everything else. Both are reluctant to give up their lucrative careers. The work has made their marriage too crowded to exclude everything else in their life including having children. So much so they have reached a point of no return.
While it is important to have a successful career, it is equally if not more important to have a fruitful married life. Had the couple decided not to have kids then it would not have been an issue. However, both want children but don’t want to sacrifice their careers to plan a child. The increased stress factor to have a child takes a toll on them and proves the reverse.
Now, what do they want? They have to make a choice. Rajeev and Latha need to choose and that choice might require major sacrifice on either one or both their parts. The question is- are they willing to go that extra mile?
To avoid from being crowded it is imperative to provide for space in a marriage. It is not about having a bedroom of your own or being indifferent leading parallel lives rather it is about giving room for both individuals to grow independently and also inclusively so that the relationship blossoms into something wonderful to cherish. A relationship for posterity, after all that’s what marriage is all about – a commitment for lifetime!
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